Ep. 10: My Whole Life Orbited Around Other People: Lisa's Story of Overcoming Chronic Codependency
Full transparency: This photo isn’t Lisa. She has requested anonymity to honor the code of her 12-step program. I’m so honored that she is choosing to share her story with us.
“It wasn't to give, it was to get.”
“[My codependent behavior] made me feel comfortable. It made me feel popular. It made me feel pretty. It made me feel, all my fears fell from me. It made me feel like I fit, like the puzzle piece finally fit.”
We all have some degree of codependency — that pull to make sure the people around us are okay so that we can be okay. But for some people, that pull isn't just a tendency. It's a compulsion. An obsession. An addiction they can't break no matter how much pain it causes or how desperately they want to stop.
That's the story Lisa is here to tell today. And it's one of the most honest, courageous, and ultimately hope-filled conversations I've had on this podcast. Lisa came to me wanting to share her journey out of chronic codependency — not because she has it all figured out, but because someone once held out a hand to her when she was at her lowest, and she wants to do the same for someone else.
We're keeping Lisa's full name and face anonymous so she has the freedom to share her story fully and help others to the fullest extent.
In This Episode:
How Lisa defines codependency — and the important distinction between everyday codependent tendencies, heavy codependency, and the chronic kind that functions like a true addiction
What codependency looked like for Lisa from childhood: obsessing over her mother's moods and health, trying to control her younger sister, and the behaviors that looked like helpfulness but were really about control
How the obsession migrated into romantic relationships in her teens and twenties — a decade of situationships with unavailable men, and why she kept going back no matter how badly it hurt
Why knowing something is wrong isn't always enough to change it — and what years of self-help, therapy, seminars, and self-discovery couldn't do for her
The moment she hit bottom, locked in a car, when an acquaintance came to her with a few words that changed everything
How she found the 12-step program for codependency called Recovered Codependents — and what made her willing to accept help for the first time
What "recovered" actually looks like: the obsessive thinking that's gone, the fear that's lifted, the marriage she's now in, and the daily program that keeps it all in place
The two websites Lisa recommends for anyone who sees themselves in her story
Key Takeaways:
Codependency at its most chronic level is a mental obsession with other people and relationships — not just a tendency, but an inability to stop. It functions like an addiction.
The behaviors of codependency often look like kindness, helpfulness, and love. That's part of what makes it so hard to see — and so hard to address.
Knowing why you do something doesn't always free you from doing it. Lisa spent years in therapy and self-help working to understand her patterns — and kept repeating them anyway.
Hopelessness, when it finally came, was a gift. The desperation that made nothing feel workable was also what made her finally willing to accept a different kind of help.
Recovery for Lisa didn't come from willpower or insight — it came from a spiritual program, a sponsor, community, and a daily commitment to staying in action.
"I followed my sponsor's footsteps. I did all the things. And then all of a sudden — I was recovered. The obsession was gone."
Resources Lisa Recommends:
For anyone who recognizes themselves in Lisa's story, or who wants to learn more:
🌐 www.rcwso.org — 12-step program for codependency with meetings and sponsors available
🌐 www.ppgrecoveredcodependents.org — audio recordings of people's stories for when you're not ready to take a step but want to know there's a way out
Note: these are the resources that worked for Lisa. She encourages everyone to follow their own conscience, as there are many paths that can help.
Connect with Me:
Does any part of Lisa's story resonate with you? I'd love to hear from you. Send me a DM on Instagram at @vibrantmarriagepodcast
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