Ep. 17: The Real Reason Marriage is So Hard: A Biblical Look at Brokenness, Redemption & What Marriage Can Really Be
The Real Reason Marriage is So Hard
Maybe we’re just not right for each other. It must be that we’re not compatible.
We’re must not be soulmates. That’s why this is so hard.
What was the picture you had in your mind about what marriage would look like, back when you were engaged? In my mind, I imagined that daily life would involve sitting across the breakfast table from my husband every morning, lovingly gazing into each others’ eyes as we sipped our coffee, enjoying a leisurely, meaningful discussion to start out the day.
The reality? That has probably happened approximately 3 times over the course of our 16 years married. He doesn’t drink coffee. Our waking and working schedules rarely align with each other’s in a way that would allow for eating breakfast at the same time. And morning is not our finest hour for conversation, let’s be honest.
It’s a silly example. Because it truly isn’t a big deal (anymore) that our breakfast routine is different than the picture.
But there were lots of other things, especially starting out in our married life, where there was a huge and painful clash between the dream I pictured and the reality we were living. I never expected it to be so hard. Not for us.
Ever been there? Ever wondered what you had done wrong to bring this horrible disappointment upon yourself, or whether you and your spouse were even compatible to begin with?
If so, I want to get real with you and say:
It’s not a compatability problem. It’s a humanity problem.
In this episode, I'm putting on my armchair theologian hat to talk about why marriage is so hard — not just the surface-level reasons, but the real, deep, theological reason. And I'm also casting a vision for what marriage can actually be, when we understand it through the right lens.
We talk about:
The four big themes of the biblical story — Creation, Fall, Redemption, and Consummation — and why they matter so much for marriage
What intimacy was actually designed to look like, and why it feels so different now
Why picking the "right" partner won't save you (and what we should be aiming for instead)
What it means to live in the tension between the "already and the not yet"
The commitments Paul David Tripp describes in What Did You Expect? as the building blocks of relational repair
Tim Keller's breathtaking vision for what Christian marriage is really for
Books mentioned in this episode:
The True Story of the Whole World by Craig Bartholomew and Michael Goheen
What Did You Expect? Redeeming the Realities of Marriage by Paul David Tripp
The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller
If this episode hit you somewhere deep, I'd love to hear from you. And if you know someone who's been struggling in their marriage and needs a grounded, honest perspective on why it's so hard — share this one with them.
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